satire
Dateline 30 October 2009 -
Unconfirmed reports have been circulating all day, stating that Larry David, a once popular actor and allegedly the creator of the American comedy series, "Seinfeld" has been named an enemy of the Islamic Ummah, comparable to Salomon Rushdie.
Following his controversial episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" in which he urinated on a picture of Jesus Christ - a move felt by many Rebehs to be a calculated effort to inflame animosities between Christians and Jews - local gossip columnist Gabriella Fassbinder claimed to have asked Mr. David if his hate-speech was limited to mocking the incarnate God of the Christians, or if he would also apply his acidic brand of mockery to other religious figures, such as Brahma, Buddha or Mohamet.
According to Gabriella, the syndicated London columnist known for her "Beyond the Glitter" series, the writer / actor has no plans to shy away from offending Muslims. She tells us that a script currently in the works will feature David as a man taken hostage, by mistake, at the hands of a blundering gang of New York City Muslims who think that he is actually Rushdie. Although the script has been guarded, Ms. Fassbinder claims to have managed to catch a few pictures of the middle part of the script using her cellular telephone's camera.
She tells us, "The poor guy is trying to tell them that he is not who they think, and he becomes so terrified that he loses control of his bowels. The captors are amused and allow him to go to the bathroom unescorted. Finding no toilet tissue in the room, the David character finds an old book in the corner and uses several pages to attempt to clean himself. To his chagrin, when he emerges, his captors find that he has used the Q'uran as toilet paper, Hilarity ensues as the bumbling gang finds no knives suitable to behead their prisoner, and in the rented apartment, can only locate a can opener and a Veggo-Chopamatic."
Again, we have been unable to confirm the accuracy of the report but Ms. Fassbinder says that Mr. David is not a coward and would never deny his right to mock any and all religions equally. With a wink, the aging columnist told us, "For Larry to shrink away from the ragheads just wouldn't be kosher."
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
OK Sets the Jelly-Hearted Left All A-Quiver
As a mildly detached observer of the strange form of fungus known to most of us as 'the left' I cannot but smile at the increasingly high, shrill pitch of the shreiks of the left's frontmen. Notably, of course, the recent debacle of Chris 'ooh, it's running down my leg!' Matthews who had the incredible lack of foresight to invite Stewart Rhodes to appear on his broadcast, "No-Balls" or whatever it is called... the program which consistently draws almost as many viewers as the Al Franken "Fecal Painting With Your Tongue" show in the San Francisco market . Regardless of the title, Matthews, whose trademark screeches and red-faced bleats are said to resemble the cries of Keith Olberman deflowering Little Jim Carville at the infamous Democratic convention of 72, could not keep up with the solid, factual and unflappable logic and calm focus of Stewart.
It is, of course, pointless to wonder if the libtards are truly so stupid and sub-moronic, that they are incapable of seeing their own cretinism. That they find people who swear to support, uphold and defend the U S Constitution - the same document which allows inbred mental dwarves like themselves the right to speak - are a menace, is laughable and yet pathetic. The obvious implication is that they would consider the enemies of the Consitution, to be their comrades. Hmmm... perhaps that's it! That is why the left, from the douchebag no-talent has-beens like Janet Scrofula, to washed up former comedians like Letterman, to bloated hypocrites like Michael "Scrote" Moore all hate the US military and the people at large, who still revere the Constitution of our Republic; they hate us because they fear us and realize that they cannot acheive their Marxist / Leninist dystopia as long as people of courage and integrity stand their ground.
Ahhh... another mystery solved. Now, I shall salute my insights with a final glass of absinthe, arm the perimeter Claymores and have a nap.
It is, of course, pointless to wonder if the libtards are truly so stupid and sub-moronic, that they are incapable of seeing their own cretinism. That they find people who swear to support, uphold and defend the U S Constitution - the same document which allows inbred mental dwarves like themselves the right to speak - are a menace, is laughable and yet pathetic. The obvious implication is that they would consider the enemies of the Consitution, to be their comrades. Hmmm... perhaps that's it! That is why the left, from the douchebag no-talent has-beens like Janet Scrofula, to washed up former comedians like Letterman, to bloated hypocrites like Michael "Scrote" Moore all hate the US military and the people at large, who still revere the Constitution of our Republic; they hate us because they fear us and realize that they cannot acheive their Marxist / Leninist dystopia as long as people of courage and integrity stand their ground.
Ahhh... another mystery solved. Now, I shall salute my insights with a final glass of absinthe, arm the perimeter Claymores and have a nap.
Friday, June 12, 2009
David Lettermann - Pedophile or Psycho Stalker?
WARNING - CONTAINS GRAPHIC AND OFFENSIVE PARODY. DO NOT PROCEED IF UNDER 18 !!
This is more than likely a satire which would have no connection to any vile, narcissistic has-been TV hosts who use nightly hate speech and laugh about the thought of 14 year old children being raped. No connection at all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Professional psychoanalyst Dr. Rebecca Smallwood, today released her summary of the increasingly aberrant and aggressive behavior of late night television performer David Lettermann. Once thought by many to be a comedian of modest capablities, Lettermann began a downward slide both in ratings, and in behavior, just over one year ago.
"Many people who knew him at that time remarked that he was acting in an even more bizarre fashion than typical for him, making his wife wear plastic glasses like those worn by Alaskan Governor Sara Palin, when having marital relations. Neighbors said that they often heard Lettermann loudly wailing and begging his wife to "Squeal like a moose, please, please...!" He reportedly confided in a co-worker that he could never maintain an erection unless he visualized both Mrs. Palin and her husband in bed with himself and his wife. It was learned that the aging host had also taped dozens of pictures of Mrs. Palin throughout the main bathroom of his home, and according to his wife, he would spend hours in the bathroom at night, groaning and laughing in a falsetto voice, repeatedly uttering the phrase, "Whip me like a sled dog, whip me till I bleed!"
"Although it is not unheard of for men going through so-called 'male menopause' to exhibit strange behavior and even to develop fantasies and fetishes which are out of character, Mr. Lettermann's behavior became more and more bizarre and he began offering local paparazzi hundreds of dollars for any photographs that they could get of the Palin children. His odd, almost 'stalker-like' behavior went on steadily until the public became more aware of young Trig.
"He seemed more and more obsessed with Trig. Lettermann spiraled downward to the point of watching Tivo'd clips of the child while insisting that his wife feed him crunchy peanut butter out of disposable diapers as Lettermann fondled himself. His wife began plans to separate from him when he started insisting that she make baby talk while he looked at the videos and attempted to gratify himself," concluded the doctor.
The latest example of the man's rapid slide into utter depravity came from a trip to a local bus station. Telling his wife that he wanted to take their son to a ball game in Amsterdam, he bundled the child into a backpack, grabbed a videocam and rushed out the door before she could stop him.
Four hours later, Lettermann was spotted by local law enforcement at a bus station, offering to pay transient perverts five dollars to touch his son's genitalia while he made videos.
He offered to allow anyone who had one thousand dollars to rape the hapless child, adding, "Hey - at least he can't get knocked up like the Palin kids! Ha Ha Ha!!"
Charges are pending toward the disgraced host and former comedian. When asked for comment, the nearly bankrupt network on which his show appears, DCT, released the following statement:
"Although Mr. Lettermann may have possibly exhibited dubious taste in his personal behavior, we feel that his interactions with family members are a private matter and should not impact his professional career. Therefore, we are extending his contract. We are also in negotiations with a French network to allow them to premiere a new comedy pilot which David has proposed, a sitcom called "Bugger My Boy For Bucks!"
This is more than likely a satire which would have no connection to any vile, narcissistic has-been TV hosts who use nightly hate speech and laugh about the thought of 14 year old children being raped. No connection at all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Professional psychoanalyst Dr. Rebecca Smallwood, today released her summary of the increasingly aberrant and aggressive behavior of late night television performer David Lettermann. Once thought by many to be a comedian of modest capablities, Lettermann began a downward slide both in ratings, and in behavior, just over one year ago.
"Many people who knew him at that time remarked that he was acting in an even more bizarre fashion than typical for him, making his wife wear plastic glasses like those worn by Alaskan Governor Sara Palin, when having marital relations. Neighbors said that they often heard Lettermann loudly wailing and begging his wife to "Squeal like a moose, please, please...!" He reportedly confided in a co-worker that he could never maintain an erection unless he visualized both Mrs. Palin and her husband in bed with himself and his wife. It was learned that the aging host had also taped dozens of pictures of Mrs. Palin throughout the main bathroom of his home, and according to his wife, he would spend hours in the bathroom at night, groaning and laughing in a falsetto voice, repeatedly uttering the phrase, "Whip me like a sled dog, whip me till I bleed!"
"Although it is not unheard of for men going through so-called 'male menopause' to exhibit strange behavior and even to develop fantasies and fetishes which are out of character, Mr. Lettermann's behavior became more and more bizarre and he began offering local paparazzi hundreds of dollars for any photographs that they could get of the Palin children. His odd, almost 'stalker-like' behavior went on steadily until the public became more aware of young Trig.
"He seemed more and more obsessed with Trig. Lettermann spiraled downward to the point of watching Tivo'd clips of the child while insisting that his wife feed him crunchy peanut butter out of disposable diapers as Lettermann fondled himself. His wife began plans to separate from him when he started insisting that she make baby talk while he looked at the videos and attempted to gratify himself," concluded the doctor.
The latest example of the man's rapid slide into utter depravity came from a trip to a local bus station. Telling his wife that he wanted to take their son to a ball game in Amsterdam, he bundled the child into a backpack, grabbed a videocam and rushed out the door before she could stop him.
Four hours later, Lettermann was spotted by local law enforcement at a bus station, offering to pay transient perverts five dollars to touch his son's genitalia while he made videos.
He offered to allow anyone who had one thousand dollars to rape the hapless child, adding, "Hey - at least he can't get knocked up like the Palin kids! Ha Ha Ha!!"
Charges are pending toward the disgraced host and former comedian. When asked for comment, the nearly bankrupt network on which his show appears, DCT, released the following statement:
"Although Mr. Lettermann may have possibly exhibited dubious taste in his personal behavior, we feel that his interactions with family members are a private matter and should not impact his professional career. Therefore, we are extending his contract. We are also in negotiations with a French network to allow them to premiere a new comedy pilot which David has proposed, a sitcom called "Bugger My Boy For Bucks!"
Friday, May 22, 2009
Sing a Song of BS - Obongo's Steaming Lies...
Short note for today on the waterboard issue with the Kenyan Imposter, Hussein Obongo. Anyone reading this has already heard the good stuff, like Lynn Cheney, God bless her! - kicking the wimpy asses of the libtard TV 'pseudojournalists' on the topic. But there IS one thing that he has said repeatedly from the days of his campaign, which irritates me enough to prompt a rant.
He has said that we should not use any uncomfortable interrogation techniques on his muslim brother terrorists because that would make the rest of the world dislike us, and besides - in his nancy-boy voice - it would make terrorists be more harsh on our own military if any of them were captured.
As my saintly old Welsh nanny was often fond of saying -
WTF ! ! !
Is this knuckle dragging moron so jacked up on drugs that he is truly unaware of what happens to our people, military OR civilian, who are captured by his brother muzzie tangoes? Was he at a Knicks game or something while we saw video coverage of American bodies being burned, hacked into pieces and dragged through the streets as cowardly muzzie monkeys danced like lunatics in the streets as they sniffed the burning flesh? Has he really never seen the proudly televised images from al-Jazeera and others, showing the ignorant savages sawing and hacking at the blood spurting necks and throats of American captives, until their heads are finally severed?
Note - even proper beheading is beyond the capability of the ignorant muslim savages. When beheading is done as a form of execution, the weapon, be it katana, axe or claymore, is razor sharp; the motion is swift, perfect and sure - and if the person doing the cutting is hacking, yanking, sawing and tugging, it means that he is both too incompetent to be allowed around blades, and too uncivilized to be allowed around other human beings.
Anyway - if the Empty Suit in DC thinks that pouring water in the face of a terrorist might make his brethren treat Americans WORSE... what the hell does he think is going on now? And THIS moron wants to pretend to be a president???
He has said that we should not use any uncomfortable interrogation techniques on his muslim brother terrorists because that would make the rest of the world dislike us, and besides - in his nancy-boy voice - it would make terrorists be more harsh on our own military if any of them were captured.
As my saintly old Welsh nanny was often fond of saying -
WTF ! ! !
Is this knuckle dragging moron so jacked up on drugs that he is truly unaware of what happens to our people, military OR civilian, who are captured by his brother muzzie tangoes? Was he at a Knicks game or something while we saw video coverage of American bodies being burned, hacked into pieces and dragged through the streets as cowardly muzzie monkeys danced like lunatics in the streets as they sniffed the burning flesh? Has he really never seen the proudly televised images from al-Jazeera and others, showing the ignorant savages sawing and hacking at the blood spurting necks and throats of American captives, until their heads are finally severed?
Note - even proper beheading is beyond the capability of the ignorant muslim savages. When beheading is done as a form of execution, the weapon, be it katana, axe or claymore, is razor sharp; the motion is swift, perfect and sure - and if the person doing the cutting is hacking, yanking, sawing and tugging, it means that he is both too incompetent to be allowed around blades, and too uncivilized to be allowed around other human beings.
Anyway - if the Empty Suit in DC thinks that pouring water in the face of a terrorist might make his brethren treat Americans WORSE... what the hell does he think is going on now? And THIS moron wants to pretend to be a president???
Friday, May 8, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
100 Days of Bravo Sierra; or, The Kenyan Shovels With Both Hands!
A short one for today, but looking back on what the Kenyan-in-Chief has actually done in the hundred worst days in American history:
Appointed more communists, socialists, Marxist/ Leninist organizers and racists to his staff than any real president in history;
Declared veterans, pro-lifers, Christians, Jews, Israel, conservatives, home schoolers, constitutionalists, libertarians and all true Americans, to be terrorists, potential terrorists, or just plain suspicious. But he gives fellow muslims, known and convicted terrorists, gitmo residents, tinhorn dictators, saudi 'kings' and other America-haters a clean slate and free pass.
What was that Scripture.... woe to him who calls good evil, and evil good?
Wrecked the economy, begun the Marxist / Maoist seizure and nationalization of private business and the banking business.
Apologized for America's greatness, attacked America's sovereignty, tried to destroy America's security, mocked and ridiculed America's patriots and given political fellatio to the enemies of America.
Lied incessantly ( no surprise there).
Oh and GASOLINE has been going up slowly and steadily even though the price of crude has been dropping.
So... where are the code stink and other libtards who should be marching in the streets to protest this empty suit's destructive acts?
Why... they're all at the hypocrite convention, of course!
Appointed more communists, socialists, Marxist/ Leninist organizers and racists to his staff than any real president in history;
Declared veterans, pro-lifers, Christians, Jews, Israel, conservatives, home schoolers, constitutionalists, libertarians and all true Americans, to be terrorists, potential terrorists, or just plain suspicious. But he gives fellow muslims, known and convicted terrorists, gitmo residents, tinhorn dictators, saudi 'kings' and other America-haters a clean slate and free pass.
What was that Scripture.... woe to him who calls good evil, and evil good?
Wrecked the economy, begun the Marxist / Maoist seizure and nationalization of private business and the banking business.
Apologized for America's greatness, attacked America's sovereignty, tried to destroy America's security, mocked and ridiculed America's patriots and given political fellatio to the enemies of America.
Lied incessantly ( no surprise there).
Oh and GASOLINE has been going up slowly and steadily even though the price of crude has been dropping.
So... where are the code stink and other libtards who should be marching in the streets to protest this empty suit's destructive acts?
Why... they're all at the hypocrite convention, of course!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Ted Nugent - Prophet?
Well... now that the Kenyan-in-chief, Obongo, and his dyke-ish meat puppet, Napolitano, have decided ( along with the Department of Homegrown Stasi ) that anyone in the USA who is NOT a commie, pervert, atheist, muslim or child molester, is a terrorist - which means all of the veterans, active US Military, Christians, Jews, conservatives, libertarians, pro-lifers, home schoolers, and believers in the Constitution - in other words the people who work and pay taxes which in turn PAY these arrogant jackasses to speak down to them... a number of people have pointed out that certain songs by regular recording artists have new, more significant meanings when viewed in the context of the modern Obongo police state. Over on Sipsey Street, our deeply respected friend, Mike V, has done this; and I listened to an OLD song by the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent, called "Stormtroopin' " and wondered why no one plays it anymore.
Well... when I paid attention to the words, I realized that when Ted performed this back in ( I think) the 70s, no one would have believed that the lyrics were prophetic... just good rock & roll. Yet the reference to '200' in the lyrics seems very obvious now, looking at the 200 years since the Revolution and assessing how the government has perverted the ideals of the founding fathers to build a self-serving communist police state which hates all things American ( US veterans, et al ). So here are the lyrics, and if you get a chance, listen to the songs... it still rocks, just like Ted does.
Copyright and all other rights held by Ted Nugent.
In the early morning hours there's a din in the air;
mayhem's on the loose.
Stormtroopers comin', and you better be prepared.
Got no time to choose.
Get ready. Stormtroopers comin'.
Get ready. Stormtroopers comin'.
Get ready. Stormtroopres comin' around.
Comin' up that street, jackboots steppin' high.
Got to make a stand.
Looking in your windows and listen to your phone.
Keep a gun in your hand.
Get ready. Stormtroopers comin'.
Get ready. Stormtroopers comin' around.
Two hundred down, and it's comin' 'round again.
Got no second choice.
Where's the justice and where's the law ?
Raise your healthy voice.
Get ready. Stormtroopers comin'.
We'll be ready. Stormtroopers comin'.
Getting ready. Stormtroopers comin'.
Get ready. Stormtroopers comin'.
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